Names, pronouns and respectful questions
Get to know someone through the language they use for themselves, while leaving room for privacy and personal preferences.
Follow the person’s introduction
Use the name and pronouns a person shares with you. If you are unsure and the question is relevant, ask simply: “Which pronouns would you like me to use?” You can share your own without requiring the same disclosure. A pansexual identity does not tell you someone’s gender, pronouns or personal history.
Choose questions that build a connection
Interests, plans and what someone enjoys in a date usually create more useful conversation than requests to explain an identity. Avoid assuming you are entitled to details about anatomy, medical care or past relationships. If a sensitive topic becomes relevant to mutual decisions, explain why you want to discuss it and accept that the person may decline.
Repair mistakes without making them the main topic
If you use the wrong word or pronoun, a brief correction and apology is usually more constructive than a long defense. Use the correct language going forward. Respect also includes context: ask before sharing someone’s identity, photos or conversations with others, even when that information appeared in a dating profile.